Why Men Never Win
 

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race,
you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring, repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring, repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your
ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you don't mention how nice she looks, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't cry, you're insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're keeping things from her.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you to do something you don't enjoy, that's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't ogle other women and glance in the Victoria Secret's window
when shopping, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't mention her hairy legs and pits, you have strange sexual
interests.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't work out, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't but her flowers, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're off on yourself.
If you don't plug your achievements, you're not ambitious.

If she's totally beat after a hard day's work and doesn't want to go out,
she's under-appreciated.
If you're totally beat after a hard day's work and don't want to go out,
you don't care about other people's needs.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you're rejecting her.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't want it all the time, there must be someone else.